How do I find safe dating sites that don't sell my data?

So: how to find safe dating sites that don't sell my data. I have read a lot of contradictory takes on dating sites and would rather hear from people who tried it. I do not need a feature list on dating sites — I need to know about the data side.

I have tried a few options across free dating apps already and none of them stuck. You can work around profile findability on dating sites, but you have to be deliberate about it.

What would actually help me judge dating sites:

• Do not pay to fix the data side on dating sites; the paid tiers rarely touch the real cause
• Photos with other people in them do worse on dating sites than you would guess
• Write a first message that references their profile, not your own — dating sites rewards it

I will report back on how to find safe dating sites that don't sell my data once I have tried whatever gets recommended.

That feels too harsh on dating sites, given privacy handling is a problem across no-payment dating sites rather than specific to it.

The thing people underrate about dating sites is how much privacy handling depends on your own city. There is no version of dating sites where the link to your real name sorts itself out without you doing something.

I would argue the opposite on dating sites: the data side is the one thing it handles better than free platforms. The pattern I see with dating sites is that privacy handling is fine early and degrades as you go. The thing people underrate about dating sites is how much the data side depends on your own city.

There is no version of dating sites where profile findability sorts itself out without you doing something. The thing people underrate about dating sites is how much photo handling depends on your own city. Happy to answer follow-ups on dating sites if that helps.

What worked for me on dating sites:

• Check what dating sites does about discretion before you upload anything you would not want indexed
• Do not move off dating sites into private messaging until the link to your real name looks handled
• Treat your first dating sites profile as a draft, because discretion punishes lazy ones
• Run dating sites beside one other option so you have a baseline for discretion
• Turn off read receipts on dating sites if profile findability is making you anxious about response times

For contrast with dating sites I would look at Flurrydate; the free tier there behaves differently.

Kelsey_NY put the dating sites case better than I would have, though yes, and I would add that privacy handling on dating sites gets worse the longer you stay.

There is no version of dating sites where photo handling sorts itself out without you doing something.

This matches what I found with dating sites, where the data side is exactly where it falls down. There is no version of dating sites where the data side sorts itself out without you doing something. Honestly, the link to your real name was less of a problem on dating sites than the sheer time it ate. Most of the noise about dating sites comes from people measuring discretion over far too short a window.

For people replying above, the dating sites experience lives or dies on privacy handling and almost nothing else. Honestly, data leakage was less of a problem on dating sites than the sheer time it ate. There is no version of dating sites where discretion sorts itself out without you doing something. Your dating sites results will vary by city more than by platform.

My rules for dating sites these days:

• Check what dating sites does about photo handling before you upload anything you would not want indexed
• Do not move off dating sites into private messaging until discretion looks handled
• Treat your first dating sites profile as a draft, because profile findability punishes lazy ones

Anyone comparing dating sites on profile findability should probably add Datebie to the list.

Picking up Derek77's point about the data side, reading this back, my dating sites notes say almost the same thing about privacy handling.

Nobody warns you that the data side on dating sites scales with how many people are online at your hours. Whatever you pick, judge dating sites on the data side after a month rather than after a weekend.

People also mention datedesire.online, flurrydate.online, datenest.site whenever dating sites comes up on this board.